May 15th, I wake up an immediately get to doing some writing and website design work. I feel so much more stressed than anything else – which isn’t usual for me. However, given my recent project list and my lack of sleep for the sake of accomplishing more things, I might be in an adjustment phase.

I nearly complete part of a website, and that makes me feel better. For some odd reason, completion comes with a sense of relief and pleasure. Ideally Iw ould be able to experience those feelings whenever I chose to, but it seems like when I “get things done” I feel some sort of pleasure – probably because I value accomplishment towards my highest aims, or even getting things off my project list.

I had very little focus throughout the day though I was getting things done. I felt in my head. Later in the afternoon I got together with friends to deliver flyers and go to the gym. Even this basic amount of human contact rejouvenated me, I’d been inside writing and working on the web all day – its always feels as though I draw from my fun interactions with people I care about.

So tired by the time the night comes…. so tired. Too a nap, woke up to read… passed right out.

May 16th. Whoooaaaa forgot to set the alarm properly! Nearly 8 hours of sleep when I include the nap before bed on the 15th. Craziness! I snap right up to get some projects going before I do 3 hours worth of lawn mowing.

Around 2:00PM (where you see the orange level 3s) I had an awesome idea for an eBook that I now plan on writing! I will be writing a 30+ page eBook on applying the ideas of sport psychology to everyday life. It relates to my two greatest areas of study (kinesiology and psychology). I got pumped on it and started tearing into it. I also started another philosophical inquiry – both of which I worked on for the sake of diving into the ideas and learning / enjoying. This brought my state right up.

Late at night I also decide to push myself, I really wanted to get that orange zone back. I turned up the urgency, but in a way that let me feel the eager RUSH and not the stress. Developing this kind of state control is something I want to work more with.

May 17th, got less than 3 hours of sleep because I overslept the night before. My 2nd hour of consciousness I hit the orange zone because I was not only writing something I wanted to write – but I was coming close to completion (which as I said before seems to have a value more so to my subconscious than my conscious mind). 

A few hours after that, I began being bothered by some thoughts of “is this actually benefitting you?” I dropped the writing and got into a bit of speed reading because it felt like learning and growth. I’m all about doing the “busywork” in the spirit of excellence when it needs to be done (we’re always going to bump into relatively growth-less activity, its my mission to draw from it what I can and enjoy it when its the best given task to tackle), but I wanted something different.

In the night I eat with my family and then go to visit a friend who lives near the beach. Fun time, but as soon as I got home the tiredness hit me like a ton of bricks. When I am out socializing it seems as though the fatigue doesn’t set in, but once I’m alone, or sitting, or especially slouching or lying, I’m OUT like a light.

Realization:

I keep myself riding on level 2 (yellow) the vast majority of the time, and I realize why this is. First, when I’m by myself I am always engaged in productive activity. I shower fast, I read and write for my projects, I design sites, etc… When I’m with my friends, I may not be accomplishing as much (though we do “productive” things like go to the gym or talk about entrepreneurial projects), but I usually feel a lot better being around them. I value and enjoy the time I spend with them. Hence, wether I’m alone or with friends I find myself mostly around level 2.