Today something dawned on me. I know some people who are capable of giving very poignant, insightful advice when others ask for perspective. In a compassionate way, they calmly collect the facts, find proper ways to present them, and talk about dealing with the issue itself.

Yet… at the same time, these same people are capable of the most absurdly irrational decisions and states.

I started to think if we all didn’t exhibit this dichotomy. We all experience something different every day, every moment – of course we’ll have times where we are more rational than others… right?

Even given the fact that we’re in different situations constantly, somethings still seemed off. How could the same person be able to totally loose themselves in a seemingly silly situation, but at the same time be able to advise others (in the most calm of fashions) through a similar situation?

Some obvious reasons came to the fore:

- If your car breaks down, you are likely to be more frustrated that you are when your friend tells you that his car has broken down. Hence, it is easier to be “emotionally detached” when you’re concerns are not as involved.

- One day we might be in an incredibly relaxed state (maybe we spent the day reading – focusing on pleasant things – and just got out of a warm bath) while another day we might be tense or frustrated (maybe we haven’t slept in a long time because of a project at work, and we’ve been focusing on our inability to accomplish the task). Hence, we have some variability in terms of our bodies and our surroundings that can effect our emotional state and bring about different responses.

What came to my mind, though, was something completely different than the above factors. I thought about how our context effects how we perceive ourselves or our world, and about how that can effect our behavior. I refer to the different “selves” or variations of demeanor / traits that we exhibit as “social imprints.”

Do you notice the way you talk when you’re alone in a room with a grandparent, as opposed to when you’re alone in a room with a friend from school?

Have you noticed a cashier at the counter communicate differently with you than with their coworkers?

Have you ever noticed how a sports coach might act different on the field than he does when he goes out by himself to the bar?

Different settings warant different behavior, obviously. I cannot “do” the same things in a library as I could on a saturday night on the dance floor. Theoretically I could, but my actions would be out of place. This is easily understood.

HOWEVER, I pose that something more significant is going on:

When we are in a given context, we associate certain thoughts, rules, and behaviors with that context (many times this is easy to see in social contexts). Our associations immediately have in influence on “who we will be” in that context. We cue off of these contextual hints to determine how we will present ourselves, how we will walk, talk, think, even feel.

Some contexts might make us feel good and give us access to fully express ourselves freely. Other contexts might generally give us access to limited internal resources. 

For instance, some people might be tremendously social, loud, expressive, and fun at the bar every weekend, yet be extremely quite in a classroom setting. 

Lets say this person doesn’t drink – what is the difference between his “bar self” and “class self?” Maybe he’s more tired during the day, maybe he doesn’t eat breakfasts and often feels stomach pain in morning classes. Or… just maybe… he associates the bar with certain activities, certain ways of behaving and levels of fun. He might see the bar as less judgmental, and more socially active. Because perceives the bar to be different than the classroom, he doesn’t end up socializing.

Sometimes, we have access to an imprint that we deem to be best for us in the present moment. We feel and think exactly as we would like to. This might come in the form of confidence, expressiveness, friendliness, etc… 

Other times, we notice that we do not have access to all the internal resources we would like in the present situation

So how does this relate to the example we started off with in this article?

I pose that when someone comes to us and sits us down to talk about an issue of theirs, the context is conducive to an “imprint” of a rational, calm, positive “self.” 

In the particular context of this example, we see a friend approach us as though we were the giver of answers, as though we already had the ability to grant positive wisdom. Hence, we feel imbued with this ability ourselves.

It is often said that we see ourselves as we think others see us, we believe about ourselves what others believe in us. This social psychology theory may be a subset of the general idea that in different social contexts (and contexts in general) we have access to different imprints.

NOTE:

It should be understood that not all imprints come about through a change in social interaction. For instance, we may walk differently an have a different facial expression when we are out in an open sunny field than if we are walking through a dimly lit, creepy basement – or we may access a different “self” when we’re alone and working out as opposed to when we’re alone reading a book.

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We aught to be aware of these different “selves” that we express in certain instances.

How do we act differently around our parents and our friends?

How do we act in class or at work and how do we act outside these contexts?

In what ways to we change our expression, speech, etc… when we feel as though we are being judged as opposed to not being judged?

MOST IMPORTANTLY:

What triggers do we use to access these different “imprints?” Do you only express yourself most openly when you feel as though you are the leader? Do you only express your “real” self when you know someone for 6 months… a year? When hanging out with a group of people, do we have access to our highest self only when we believe ourselves to be better (in some regard)  than the other members of our group?

At any given time, if you aren’t feeling like you have access to the resources (possibly of creativity, of confidence, of excitement) that you want in that moment, you likely have some rules for switching imprints that are restricting you from doing so. Determine what you want to feel, and come to understand how (in other times in your life) you gained access to that “self.”

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