Can you remember a situation when you made a heartfelt VOW with yourself?
This usually happens after a disturbing and painful experience – maybe you offended a friend – maybe you lost a lot of money – maybe you drank too much. You wanted to change, to develop yourself or take meaningful action.
You have such a FEELING about what’s going on, about what you want for yourself… you VOW that you will NEVER do (X), or that you’ll ALWAYS remember to do (Y).
Yeah, you feel it big time. Here’s the thing (I love saying “the thing” by the way, I think its hilarious… back on track):
You can probably think of a time – not too far after your vow – when you broke it.
We’ve all been there. Why didn’t it “work?” Why didn’t our vow bring about change in our own behavior? We felt so strongly, we wanted to change, we really did!
Even a heartfelt, genuine vow often cannot change our behaviors because it does not provide us with action to follow, with measurable progress or feedback – it simply states a strong preference.
When the situation comes around where you could enact the change, you don’t think of the specific actions to take in order to fulfill your vow, and even if you do, you might unsure if it is best in that scenario. So nothing changes.
This is why planning is necessary. With a legitimate plan, we can do our thinking beforehand and find appropriate ways to implement the change we desire. We can THINK ahead of time, and so when the time comes we know what to do and how to do it.
Maybe we turn down invites to specific bars, or to be around certain people. Maybe we determine a logical method for reminding ourselves of our important meetings. Maybe we draw up a full blown business plan with the help of some friends who are also business owners.
These activities imply determining how to get to the outcome we desire – the strategies and actions involved!
So… what, then, is the worth of a genuine, heartfelt vow?
It is a starting point for meaningful change – it can be the diving board for real, meaningful, congruent plans for changing your life drastically for the better.
If you catch yourself making a heartfelt vow NOT to do this or to ALWAYS do that, determine wether this is a rational vow to make, and if it is, begin planning the specifics immediately.
Stating your preference, even with feeling, will not bring about the kind of change that you seek. Only determining what that change would require can do that. That requires thinking ahead of time – that means planning!
Vowing? Are you sure you’re serious about it? Well then… make plans and make it happen – otherwise it probably won’t. Give your brain something to reference, something that makes sense, something you can be sure of, something that you can act upon.
